Greetings to all who seek to do God’s will. It is the will of God that all marriages be strong and healthy. As you are well aware, healthy marriages don’t happen by accident. A healthy marriage is the product of two people diligently working together to apply the Word of God in their everyday life.
In this lesson I want to talk about love. Earlier we discussed the love of a husband toward his wife. Today I would like to focus on the love of the wife toward her husband.
We think we know what it means to love someone. In reality, we are very much in the dark as to what God says about love. In Titus 2:4 the Bible tells the wife to love her husband. The Greek word for love in this scripture is philandros which means to have tender affection, to cherish the object above all else, of manifesting an affection characterized by constancy from the motive of the highest veneration. It’s funny that the apostle Paul used philandros rather than agape. It appears that Paul, speaking by revelation, reveals something about the love relationship in a marriage which we do not receive through secular writers. He tells the wife to affectionately care for and cherish her husband from the motive of the highest respect, whereas we studied in an earlier lesson, men are told to agape (love) their wives. Let me remind you of the meaning of agape love so I can draw a clearer picture of the difference between these two kinds of love and why there is a difference.
In Ephesians 5:22-32 husbands are instructed, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it.'' How did Jesus love the church? This word for love is the Greek word "agape". Agape is a word characteristic to Christianity. "It expresses the deep and constant love and interest of a perfect being towards entirely unworthy objects, producing and fostering a reverential love in them toward the giver." (notes on Thessalonians by Hogg & Vine pg. 105) It is used to described the attitude of God toward His Son, Jesus in John 17:26; the human race, the unbelievers in John 3:16; His church, the believers in John 14:21; and to reveal His will to His children concerning their attitude toward one another in John 13:34. This definition of agape helps us understand that love is not just a feeling. In fact, love has nothing to do with feelings. Feelings are an outcome, a product or fruit of agape love. Agape love is the unselfish sacrifice of putting your wife and her needs before you and your needs, regardless of what your needs are. Agape love has to do with the deep, constant, and unconditional sacrifice of yourself for your wife.
Now we see that the wife is told to love (philandros) her husband. Why is this so? The Bible references appear to indicate that the wife is a responder to her husband. As the wife responds to the agape love of her husband, the philandros love that she demonstrates will develop into agape love. The requirement is that the husband love his wife unconditionally as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it. Husbands, if you want your wife to love you unconditionally, you must first agape her. Then her response becomes agape. If she is not loving you with the agape love of God, you can be sure you are not loving her with this God-kind of love. Husbands, if you are not seeing what you want, you are probably not giving your wife what she needs. Agape her and she will agape you in return.
I would also like to remind you of another point from a previous lesson. I have noticed there are three phases of marital development. The first phase is the romantic or honeymoon phase. You remember this, don’t you? It’s when you first met and fell in love. This wonderful specimen of a human being was everything you ever dreamed of. They couldn’t do anything wrong. Even their bad habits were overlooked and, in fact, made them even more special in your eyes. But over time your eyes were opened and you saw them as they really are and always were. Flawed.
This is when you moved into the second phase which I like to call the wilderness phase. Your love for your spouse is severely tested. Many marriages never make it past this point. There are three options from which you can pick at this point. The first option, divorce, seems the easiest but in the long run will be the most difficult for everyone involved. Instead of working on the marriage, making the necessary changes, you leave thinking you will find another who will be perfect. The problem is there is no perfect mate. Your mate becomes perfect as you grow, change and mature into the perfect mate. Your second option is having the attitude of just hanging in there and surviving for the rest of your life. This isn’t really surviving. It’s merely dying with your eyes open and is no way to live. No one benefits and everyone loses. The third option and correct decision is to do what is necessary to make your marriage the best marriage possible. Not just a marriage of survival, but one of love and joy - a marriage worth living.
This, in fact, is the third phase. It happens when you decide to learn how to be a great husband or wife. This third phase in marriage only occurs by learning, understanding and applying the principles found in God’s Word, the Bible. As your mind is renewed and your life transformed by the Word of God, your marriage will become what it should be. Wonderful. This is agape love. Agape love can only come through the developing process of time, difficulties and the trials found in marriage. Wives, love your husbands. Be willing to respond to their attempt of agape love. Understand it takes time for your husband to put on the love of Christ and then live it. Be patient and forgiving because he will make mistakes as he develops into the husband God has called him to be. Meanwhile, love your husband, be kind to him, pray non-stop for him. As you do, your love for him will grow as you grow. Remember, your marriage is worth all the effort you put into it.
I hope this lesson has helped you more clearly understand your responsibility in loving your husband. Our next lesson will present further insights on growing in your love for your husband.
Until next time, God bless. Terry