In this lesson we will look at how to minister to your husband. This is not difficult and can be fun for both the husband and the wife.
The husband needs to feel his wife needs him. Everyone needs to feel they are wanted and needed. But when it comes to the man, this necessity is built in. If a wife is so independent that she doesn’t feel she needs her husband, he may unconsciously seek a relationship with a woman who does need him and makes him feel necessary. Today many women have become very independent, often out of necessity in order to survive alone or they have a husband who is immature, callous and uncaring. Other times they do so as a rejection of the traditional role of a husband as the head of the home. In response, many men have adapted to this rejection. The relationship goes on with both living their lives together, yet separate. They have come to believe that there is nothing wrong with this lifestyle and reject any teaching to the contrary. The truth is these marriages are not sound nor healthy even though they may last. Marriage was created to be more than this. Those who have never experienced the greatness of God’s design in marriage cannot understand what they are missing. Just think, living your whole life in a mediocre marriage far below the wonder that it could be. So wives, even though you are very capable of being independent and self-sustaining, learn now that husbands and wives should not be independent of one another but interdependent. Both the husband and wife need each other. The wonder of it all is that God created man and woman with different abilities, talents and gifts. These are to compliment each other, not be used separate from each other.
Build him up. A man’s self-worth is often connected to his feeling of success in his job. He works hard knowing that he is providing for his family, that they need him, look up to him and respect him for how he provides. If a man loses his job, he often feels like a failure. If he is unable to get another job soon he may become depressed or withdrawn, feeling inadequate and embarrassed. It’s important for him to learn that his self-worth is not in his job but in who he is in Christ. As a wife you can build him up with words of love and encouragement. When a husband feels badly about himself he can’t properly love his wife. Encourage him. Don’t discourage him as Job’s wife did in Job 2:9 where she said: "Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!" Speak words of life and hope knowing very well that God is able to turn any situation around no matter how bad it may seem.
Be interested in what he likes. Share your husband’s enthusiasm. Show interest in him and what he likes. Certainly, he should be doing this with you as well. Be his wife and best friend, his playmate and his best admirer.
Do not be a bossy wife. Never criticize or correct your husband in public. Not only will this embarrass him, but it will humiliate him. Public criticism may cause him to feel as though you purposely belittled him for the sole purpose of looking good yourself. This does not mean to ignore a lie or be afraid to correct an honest mistake, but be wise in how and when you do it without damaging your relationship. Let me interject a word here to the husbands, also. This goes likewise for you. Even more so, you are to protect your wife and not embarrass her or use her for the butt of a joke. Your wife may laugh outwardly when you use her in a joke but inwardly she hurts badly. Just don’t do it. If the joke requires using your wife, don’t tell the joke. Your wife is more important than a laugh for the moment.
Wives, don’t dominate or be controlling. The saddest thing I see in many marriages is a wife who dominates her husband. He slowly recedes into a shadow of himself. Instead of standing up for himself and taking his role in the family as God has ordained, he becomes a puppet to his wife. I see this in the church frequently, and I am not exaggerating. I have tried to address this in some marriages and it was vehemently rejected by the wife. Rather than the husband standing up and telling his wife that she is controlling and dominating, in fear he submits to her and she continues the same pattern. This kind of marriage will never be whole or be the kind of marriage God has intended. Often this action is caused by the fear of losing your husband. However, the results are normally the opposite. It usually drives the husband away. If the husband remains without changing the situation, the children will follow in the parents’ footsteps. The daughter has a higher chance of becoming more controlling and dominating. The son may grow to be submissive and non-assertive. Another reason for this behavior is a lack of trust or jealousy. This again is the result of fear. Understand your attempt to keep him from looking elsewhere will only drive him to look elsewhere. It is your love, attitude and spirit that will keep him in love with you. As you develop your life with God, growing in knowledge and faith you will become the godly woman God has enabled you to be. Eventually your husband will respond. Remember the scripture we talked about in the last lesson. 1 Peter 3:1-2 tells wives, "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." This is God’s plan and it will work if you will use it in faith. Trust in God’s Word and you will not be discouraged.
Next lesson we will continue talking about how to minister to your husband. Meanwhile, put into practice what you have learned and watch God do the impossible. One last point to remember, God doesn’t work in a hurry. What you want done in a day may take some time. But, don’t give up and keep on doing the Word.