True Life Church

I hope all is going well and your marriage is growing and your spirits are high. Marriage is such an important relationship and yet most couples enter into it with little or no teaching, training or preparation. We usually seek instruction after our marriage is experiencing difficulties or nearly destroyed. It amazes me to see many people unwilling to attend marriage classes when offered at a local church, yet crying for help when their marriage is in desperate need. We must be willing to work on our marriage when it is good and if it isn’t doing well, we must be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Your marriage is worth every effort and expense you invest. If you have children it’s worth even more. This lesson continues where we left off last time. We have been discussing how a wife can minister to her husband.

Discuss important things with your husband. Neither husbands or wives should make important decisions relating to the family or spend large amounts of money without discussing it with their spouse. Many problems are caused by this behavior. I have seen husbands buy cars without discussing it with their wives and I have seen wives buy furniture without input from their husbands. This creates distrust and can easily put the family into financial difficulty. Open and honest communication and agreement are the key to making these kinds of decisions work. Both parties must be willing to hold off on purchases until agreement can be reached. Decisions, such as changing jobs, belongs to both the husband and wife. Even though the job may be the responsibility of one more than the other, the result of a job change affects both parties. Both should be involved in the decision making process. After the decision is made, don’t blame the other person if the result wasn’t what you had hoped for. What happens if, after discussing an issue, there is no agreement? The first thing you should do is wait before making the final decision. When after a few days or a week and no agreement has been reached, then, according to scripture the husband is responsible to make the final decision. It is vitally important at this time for both the husband and wife to stand behind the decision that has been made. If he was right, both benefit. If he was wrong, there is no blaming.

Honor him before others. It is important for the husband to believe that his wife is proud of who he is and what he does. Much of what he does is for the benefit of his family. It is important for a man to believe his family is proud of him. Thank him when he does something good. Let him know how much you love and adore him.

Appreciate him and what he does. This may seem like a simple statement, yet often the husband feels unappreciated. Ladies, I promise you, if you don’t show appreciation, someone else will. You can show appreciation by what you say and how you act toward your husband. If he thinks you are taking him for granted, he may try harder to please you. This may start by working longer hours or buying things in an attempt to get a response of appreciation from you. If he is still unable to illicit a response, he may give up thinking "what’s the use". This is the time when he is most vulnerable to approach by another woman. He may not be interested or even realize what’s occurring, but the other woman is well aware of his vulnerable condition. Appreciate him. He’s worth the effort.

Allow your philandros love to become agape love. It takes time for your love to grow into unconditional, agape love. This growth comes through the trials and difficulties of married life. Don’t build walls by expecting him to be perfect and everything you want. Just remember how long it took you to become perfect. Talk to him. Believe it or not, your husband cannot read your mind. In fact, most of the time you have to tell him several times before he understands what you are trying to say. So communicate! (We will discuss this topic in detail in a later lesson.) Forgive him quickly when he misses it. If he doesn’t ask, forgive him. If he does ask, really forgive him. Forgiveness is one of the keys to a long marriage. Another key is being humble and saying you’re wrong when you are wrong.

Minister to his sexual needs. His romantic and sexual needs and desires are different than yours. Put as much time, effort and attention into satisfying his needs as you

desire him to put into satisfying your needs. A man responds differently than a woman. Where most women respond to romantic stimuli, the male responds to visual stimuli. A man is easily aroused sexually. He may come home from work tired, too tired in fact, to mow the lawn, clean the house or any other important project his wife has planned for him. Yet, he will have enough strength left in those weary bones to enjoy his wife’s company in bed. That’s a man for you. Don’t be afraid to let your husband know what it is you enjoy while making love. If you don’t enjoy something, tell him. Sex is supposed to be fun. The purpose of sex is not just for procreation. If it was, God wouldn’t have made it pleasurable. (We will discuss this topic in a later lesson on sex in marriage.) One last thing to remember:

Wives, look attractive for your husband. Don’t think that because you have caught him you no longer need to be attractive for him. Help him be proud of his wife by looking your best. Your husband loves you regardless how you look. Why not look your best for him just as you want your husband to look his best for you. I am proud of my wife. I think she is the best. It’s nice to know she feels the same about me. These few ideas seem simple, yet it is amazing how many people don’t think about them and rarely do them. It really is a matter of common sense. Think about what you would like and do the same for him. Treat him the way you want him to treat you. Love him unconditionally as you want him to love you. Forgive quickly as you want him to forgive you. Smile at him and he will smile at you. Marriage is fun. Don’t make it difficult.