Lesson 4
The Joy of Marriage - The Forgiving Heart (continued)
Greetings to all. I hope you are doing well and continuing to grow in your marriage. Wouldn’t it be a dream if having a great marriage was easier. Just think, one day we get married and from that day forward our lives are filled with happiness. No difficulties, no friction, no personally clashes, everything just perfect! It would be nice, but I don’t think it will happen as long as we are on this planet. That doesn’t mean we can’t have a wonderful marriage with joy in our hearts and peace in our lives. But, it does not happen automatically or overnight. It happens as our marriage grows, changes and matures. Difficult times in our relationship are a necessary part of our marriage becoming strong and mature. James, the apostle, tells us to count it all joy when we fall into various trials. He understood that a trial would expose a weak area in our lives. James continued to say that the testing of our faith, through these trials, would produce patience. The word used for patience in this scripture is not what we would normally think of as patience. My definition of patience is being able to sit back while fishing and wait for the big one to come along and take my bait. This is not what James means when he says patience. He is referring to endurance and perseverance. These words conjure the thought of a lot of work and effort for the one enduring or persevering. That’s where forgiveness comes in. If we are going to experience the kind of marriage God said we could have, it will be necessary to endure and persevere. In order to persevere we will have to learn to forgive and forget. Yes, even forget. When we continue to remember the hurt or disappointment, it becomes impossible to truly forgive.
So, how do we forgive? After all, the hurt was pretty deep. We try to forgive but cannot forget what occurred. The anger and fear keep coming back. This is where we get to practice our Christianity. Forgiveness is an act of faith. We must forgive, believing and confessing that we have forgiven our spouse. Whether you feel like you have forgiven is not relevant. You do it by faith just like when you received Jesus into your heart. You prayed and asked Jesus to forgive your sins and to come into your life as your Savior and Lord. There were probably times afterward that you didn’t feel saved, but you knew you were because the Bible said if you confess Jesus as your Lord you would be saved.
The same it true with forgiveness. You make a decision to forgive your spouse and you act on it by faith. Will all the pain be gone when you do this? No. It will take time for the hurt to heal, but that doesn’t mean you haven’t forgiven. Compare this to a wound on your body. The wounded area may be healed, but the area is still sensitive and will be for a while longer. The next thing you will want to remember is not to entertain the act that you are forgiving. It may still come up in your thoughts but you do not have to think about it. When the thought comes, you decide whether you will continue to think about it.
Remember the following:
1) Forgiveness is an act of faith.
a) Forgive, believing and confessing that you forgive the person.
b) Whether you feel like you have forgiven them is not relevant.
2) Do not entertain the sin that you are forgiving.
a) This doesn't mean it will never come up in your thoughts.
b) If it does, don't meditate on it.
3) Do not bring it up in future conversations or disagreements.
4) Understand, it will take time for the hurt feelings to heal.
5) Tell the person you forgive them.
6) Tell God that you forgive them.
7) Forgive yourself.
8) Go on with life. It gets better.
A forgiving heart prepares the way for restoration in any relationship. We have all failed someone in our lives. We have all needed forgiveness. The power to forgive and restore is in your hands. Do it and watch what God can do in your marriage.