THE POSITIVE SIDE OF LIFE:
Living on Earth is expensive,
but it does include a free trip around the sun every year.
How long a minute is
depends on what side of the
bathroom door you're on
Birthdays are good for you;
the more you have, the longer you live.
Happiness comes through doors you
didn't even know you left open.
Ever notice that the people who are late
are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
Most of us go to our grave
with our music still inside of us.
You may be only one person in the world,
but you may also be the world to one person.
Don't cry because it's over;
smile because it happened.
We could learn a lot from crayons:
some are sharp, some are pretty,
some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....but
they all exist very nicely in the same box.
A truly happy person is one who
can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
Have an awesome day, and
know that someone
who thinks you're great has thought about you today!..
Working for God on earth does not pay much,
but His Retirement plan is out of this world
After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out
a form, called
a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics
about problems
with the aircraft. The mechanics correct
the problems,
document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review
the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said
that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by
Qantas' pilots and the solutions recorded by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major
airline that has never,
ever, had an accident.
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Problem: Left inside main tire almost
needs replacement.
Response: Almost replaced left inside
main tire.
Problem:
Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
Response:
Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
Problem:
Something loose in cockpit.
Response:
Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem:
Dead bugs on windshield.
Response:
Live bugs on back-order.
Problem:
Autopilot
in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
Response:
Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Problem:
Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Response:
Evidence removed.
Problem:
DME volume unbelievably loud.
Response:
DME volume set to more believable level.
Problem:
Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Response:
That's what friction locks are for.
Problem:
IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Response:
IFF
always
inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem:
Suspected crack in windshield.
Response:
Suspect you're right.
Problem:
Number 3 engine missing.
Response:
Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem:
Aircraft handles funny.
Response:
Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
Problem:
Target radar hums.
Response:
Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
Problem:
Mouse in cockpit.
Response:
Cat installed.
Problem:
Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget pounding on
something with a hammer.
Response:
Took hammer away from midget
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